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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

One down, the rest of my life to go...

Yesterday there was simply no possible way I was going to call my ex-wife and tell her I was glad she was getting remarried. I wasn't. I was pissed she turned her back on us and decided to live her life without me. Then I found the phone in my hand.

I was calling our daughter but before I could stop myself I told her "I hoped the next part of her life was everything she could want and she was perfect just the way she was and I truly wished her the best."

So that was part A of the assignment. The odd thing was I found myself meaning what I was saying. Now part B is going to be harder. The second ex- not getting remarried, but I'm stuck in the story I have developed about her and the goal is to get unstuck.

I'm sure I'll simply find the phone in my hand and the words coming from somewhere else, just not sure where or when.
Work has slowed down...back in survival mode...I hate survival mode. There is no joy in survival mode. There is work, stress, not spending money and lack of sleep, followed by more stress and worry. God that's fun!

Ah screw it...I'm not worrying. Work will either pick up or it won't, and if not, the universe will let me know what to do. After all, I'm just passing through...

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...