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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

In God we trust...all others are suspects.

So I merge. I merge into the right and true, or at least what passes for right and true for the moral majority. I started working out, I even got a crew cut.

I became hyper vigilant and studied hard and went to the pistol range a lot.

Turned out I had a knack for handguns as well as collecting evidence. Who knew?

I became friends with my other cadets, leaving out my past. I appeared average; pregnant wife and all, working my way through the academy and I learned about the 'The thin Blue Line', the line that separates civilians and officers.

It is real and it is wide.

The line can separate an officer from his wife, his parents, his lifelong friends. Why? Because those that don't, just don't know, and those that do...put it on the line, in uniform or out.

And when an officer goes down, the line wavers but never is real and true and civilians are stupid.

It is an unspoken code, a look from one who straps on a gun to go to the toilet, lest someone get the drop on him with his dick in his hand. Or her, for that matter. Some of the finest officers I met were female, with balls larger than my own.

I started working as a deep nights security supervisor for the World Trade Center while tending to class in the evening. We had moved in with her parents to save for the girls' arrival and I learned that those in security are frustrated police officers and have a very dark sense of humor as well.

One of my fellow supervisors would make his security rounds through the kitchen of the Trade Center, helping himself to a sandwich, invariably pissing in the soup tureen left out for the following day. He thought it added a little something for the snotty upscale employees who looked down upon us as blue collar turds in their crystal punchbowl. He may have been right.

They always sold out of soup.

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...