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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Obsess much...

That was the me that used to be. Not that I have given it up completely, but obsessing on things outside of my control is horribly counter productive. But it takes practice... laying down the obsession and morbid thinking (that being the worst case, and I mean worse, that my addled mind can create.)

For instance, I have been accepted into Oxford house, a sober living house for men, however, I don't have the money together to move in.

That will take me about two weeks...if someone else applies and has the money...well, to the victor goes the spoils. But there is nothing I can do about that, I have done everything I could... and now the tricky part.

Leaving the results up to God. That faceless, formless power that I absolutely have to rely on when my best is all I can do.

Sure, one day at a time applies, and I have to focus on that instead of two weeks from now, because if I don't I'm peeing down my leg thinking it's raining. Meaning I lose focus on the Now, and where I truly am, and reality takes a backseat.

So today is all I have - as usual.

God also granted me a gift today. I was able to borrow my sponsors car so I can take my twins to Central Texas to see their little sister, before her tenth birthday. For once I haven't disappointed them.

Just me and my angels...

Thank you God.

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...