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Saturday, December 6, 2008

Nicholson needs a drink...

It's that moment in The Shining. Jack needs a drink, in the scene right before he completely loses his shit in the bathroom with the dead, old naked broad.

"I'd give my damn soul for just a glass of beer." He meets Lloyd the Bartender.

It is that conversation-when a rovering drunk chooses to go back down that same tired road after a bit of abstinence, you can hear it in his voice, that same conversation, every time.

He's whistling in the dark muttering, "It's the white man's burden Lloyd, the white man's burden," as Lloyd pours him bourbon, on the rocks.

Or whatever his poison happens to be.

"As long as I live, she will never let me forget what happened." Head in his hands.

No shit Lloyd.

"What'll it be Mr. Torance, it's on the house."

"Anything you say Lloyd, anything you say."

Living will...

Why not. I can add to it as I go, so whatever is on here when I die, there ya go. Instructions for my final send off. And to think I am of sound mind...

First and foremost request, Headstone is to read "Hey, I can see up your dress from here." Only.

Also request Lonely Teardrops by Jackie Wilson and Good Golly Miss Molly by Little Richard, be played at the end of the ceremonies so everyone leaves on a high note.

Plus, if you drink, please do so at my memory. If not, have fun with what's left. And if anyone plays Tears in Heaven I will haunt you. Or say, "He was a good man..." I have evidence to the contrary. Much rather someone say "He meant well."

Now, if any one chooses sureptitious sex or Mitch Albom, or any other request, please request, though not in a keening wale.

Any other musical requests, please leave a comment.

Seriously. This is just in case. I am not, I repeat not depressed nor am I planning on hurting myself in anyway. It may seem morbid but it just makes sense if I want these things to happen, someone should know about them.

Satire is tragedy plus time-Lenny Bruce.

Sure, given enough time anything is possible...except more time.

This blog has turned a page. Before, the memories of my screwed up life seemed suited enough for many of you to want to read, but after yesterday's post I don't know any more. If conflict is interesting, then life just became more so.

Is my life written out and shared in real time, enough to hold your interest? My struggles, my selfish attempts at retribution, my minor triumphs?

I thought about leaving, of course I did, it's how I'm wired...but there was no where to go. The State Department or some such watchdog agency has my passport 'flagged' for just such an occasion. I cannot obtain a passport, let's say-to work overseas as a contractor and make enough money to have all this paid off in three months, no, let's keep me here, working for tips.


I mentioned I thought about a drink. I did not act on it, for those of you who might be concerned.

Not a great time to be having a crisis of faith...but what if this was the catalyst? Maybe this is what it takes to restore it...


Could I do "The underside...from underground?"

Completely fall off the radar? Probably not. I'd much rather someone buy the film rights to this blog and the whole matter is taken care of.

Plus, Internet access in the jungle is spotty at best.

But I do enjoy a good hammock and I'm a sucker for an umbrella in my drink...

Paul Gauguin was my favorite syphilitic pederast. (Possibly the first time that's ever been written)

And from what I understand, rather unpleasant. Good for him.

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...