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Tuesday, May 12, 2009

In the theater of the mind there is gum under my seat.

Call it what you will; internal dialogue, the committee, old tapes or just fuckin' nuts but I'm starting to referee my thoughts. More often than not it's noisy and confusing but I'm doing what I can.

Filling out daily applications, meetings every day, family obligations and trying to avoid the wreckage I have caused can wear you down, but I'm still plugging.

I've even started to pray.

How's that for change?

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...