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Friday, September 19, 2008

Something new...

I walked through the Tenderloin, angrily dodging whores and homos until I calmed down. It took me close to an hour, and I found myself back at the apartment.

I entered and my roommate was sitting on the couch, cocktail in hand, wearing a smoking jacket.He wouldn't meet my eyes.
I stepped past two packed boxes and a very familiar duffel bag.

The door to my room was open and my bed had been stripped. The bathroom door was closed and I could hear water running, and what sounded like crying.

Then I saw her purse on the coffee table.

"So it's like that?" I stood at the edge of the couch.

"Afraid so, old man...I always held the lady in rather high regard. Shame, though, she really liked you. Bad form, I must say." He spoke in a British accent because the tourists loved it . He was simply a pretentious dick from Bakersfield.

I had enough money for a couple of weeks back at the resident hotel. I couldn't see working with him either.

I grabbed my stuff and hailed a cab. The two old guys who always sat in the foyer of the hotel were still there. "So, Mr. Irving Wallace is back. How's the great American Novel?" They laughed. And something funny happened, I did too.

I unpacked and walked a couple blocks to North Beach and had coffee. With nothing in it.
I sat at an outdoor table and considered my options for work. Didn't take long.

I didn't have any.

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be anymore...so now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it stays...in the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.


Thank you all...