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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

An update from the end of Spring...

The book is coming along better than I expected, so yes, I'm still writing. But it's been some time since I checked in on the Blog, so keeping things current, here you go...

I should be licensed and legal on my old British motorcycle within a month or two and and that's the closest thing I can think of to being in tune with a higher power. I can hardly stand the wait...

Trying very hard to get my own place by the middle of the summer.I lost that gift by my own actions two years ago and I will not forget how hard it's been to get back to having my own spot on the planet. (room mates are NOT my thing) When I do, I have been given the option to work from home and I'm taking it.I'm an isolationist by nature and that would be, as they say, the cats cooch.

Some of my friends in recovery have been given the gift of "things getting better" in a big, sudden bundle. I have received that gift before, several times, and I instantly took it for granted and screwed it up in spades.
So this time, over the last two years, not counting willful mistakes of self, I am being parceled out "improvements" in doses, a bit at a time. This two years has been my journey into delayed gratification, and I think I can accept why, and experience a level of grateful humility in that acceptance.

I am now at a place of digging middle age, realizing the lessons of the past and what they were for.

I can now accept being in love with someone that I'm not with, and watch her grow in her own way, from afar, while understanding that while our "outsides don't match" our connection on the inside still does...

Recently two people I have known in recovery have passed on, one just today, and I saw them go through the horrors of cancer with grace and peace and sobriety. I'm superstitious regarding that deaths like this happen in three's, and If I am unknowingly the third,(and I promise I'm not trying to be) I don't want a memorial, I want my friends and family to take a day and have a giant lunch together and eat till they get tired, and for that day don't follow the rules; laugh, eat, and for those not in recovery, drink and dance and howl at the moon, and find at least one "authority figure" and declare them "silly" and if brave enough, give 'em the finger, it's on me...

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...