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Saturday, November 29, 2008

Adrenaline: Best served sucked directly from the skull.

It is our most physical link to our most animal past. Adrenaline. Fight or Flight.

I have done my share of substances that suddenly 'get your attention.'

This was stronger.

A spark of static electricity? God blinked? All I know is something happened.

They bolted.

Did shooting me mean more trouble than they were willing to get into, or were they not the hard men they thought they were?

Or was it something else. Sound returned into the vacuum with a rush. And the volume was up.

Jumped into the car, fumbled open the bag and pulled the .38.

Started it and flew into reverse, then the direction their baggy assed-jeans were seen, picking them up and laying them down.

There was blood in my throat and at that moment I certainly could have killed, pushed into it with very little effort.

I was racing down a wrong way street. They were gone. I went NUTS.

An older citizen in a pickup was trying to pass me in the opposite direction. He had just entered a very wrong situation for all the right reasons.

I raged at him to get out of my way. He was not impressed. I screamed at him that I was A POLICE OFFICER AND HAD JUST BEEN ROBBED AT GUNPOINT, YOU FREAK SHOW!

Now he was really not impressed.

He stopped his truck and the door flew open. Pretty spry for a guy with the posture of a jumbo shrimp. He read indignant and morally 'right'.

I might get the chance to kill somebody after all.

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be anymore...so now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it stays...in the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.


Thank you all...