Flicking wolverines in the balls...

My sponsor and I had lunch after a meeting yesterday. A lovely, temperate Sunday morning. I now have an assignment.

I have to call my ex-wives, (first red flag) and tell them I have developed a story about them that has kept me from accepting them and seeing them as perfect just the way they are, and I harbor no ill will or resentments toward them and I respect them immensely. Are you fucking kidding me?

Whew...Maybe I can get away with an email. Probably not...I know what he's going to say..."You said you were willing to go to any length to get better, regarding these women, and ultimately this will improve your relationships with your daughters, so what's the problem?" Shit. Shit. Shit. Maybe I've gotten comfortable keeping my distance.

These women were the bedrock of the wall I've built around me, so if I do this then I have huge holes in my wall. Then what? Another woman, possibly getting close? I don't feel well...

I just found out someone I thought was dead is very much alive. I knew a young lady my last year in High School. I had joined the army and was home on leave before going overseas. I knew her from school and was actually crazy about her. So we had a fling, each of us knowing I was leaving, and that was that.

A few years later I heard the rumor she had died from a congenital heart defect. I was again halfway around the world, but the thought of her dying sent me in to a spin. I think I may have mourned her.

Thirty years later I heard that the rumor was just that. Today I found a picture of her on the Internet at a reunion a few years ago, looking very much the way I remember her. Will I contact her...probably not. It's enough to know she's still alive, and still beautiful.

It's also safer this way....