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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

It's time to put this out there. Let others see it for what it is. Take some shots. Nothing counts but honesty. I will not look good or fare well in this, but I have very well rested laurels. It's time for action...

I suppose I could start now and work my way backwards. The beginning seems so very long ago. Perhaps I could start in the middle and work my way sideways? Just the facts. Lay it out. Let the universe do with it what it will.

I am a recovering alcoholic that has been sober this time for a little over three years.

Cigarette free for 56 days.

Marriage-less for eight years and counting.

Divorced three times and estranged from my four daughters, 26, 18 (twins) and nine.

I'm going to go through some core work at the end of next month. Some of that deep seated, angsty, crying stuff that sets loose the wild things in the dark. Yes, I believe there are things that go bump in the night. I also believe in things that bump back.

Screwed to the floor by a corrupt child support system and vampirellas one thru three I have come to believe I may have issues dealing with women. Okay, a lot of them. I don't trust you ladies.

I want to, I really do, but I can't tilt at windmills anymore. I saved as many as I could, but the building soon collapsed, trapping the rest.

As I fall asleep, I can hear the screams...

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My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...