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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Holiday fun...

My Father married for his fifth and last time my first year in the Army. I can't blame him. She owned her own home. Came complete with a hot tub and pool. At least he was marrying 'up'.

The new spouse and I failed to see eye to eye as is more often than not the case. And once again, I was following a good intention with really poor execution. I was trying to win her over as it were after I was discharged and staying with them during the holidays. I cashed in all my terminal leave so I was in hiatus. Loosely translated that means I was drunk in the hot tub most of the time.

As the folks were working and I was clubbing till dawn, then sleeping till noon and recreating in the hot tub while consuming liberal quantities of hops and barley was the norm I was pretty happy. But being the altruistic sort I was divinely inspired to assist in the holiday preparations. Hot tub plus frozen turkey equaled good time management. My step mother had been bitching about the bird and all the trimmings so I felt I would be in her good graces by acting on this impulse. I eased the poultry into the tub one crisp fall afternoon and began demolishing a case of Coors.

The bird kept to one side of the tub, bobbing and weaving, and I sat on the other, mentally congratulating myself with a fervor.

About five thirty, very close to being really, really drunk, I heard the family car arrive in the drive. Oh goody. I would soon be rewarded with many applause and good will towards everyone. There I sat, grey giblet foam surrounding me...(the bag had broken) empty brown bottles littered the deck and a chlorine soaked turkey still bobbed upon the discolored waves.

My step mother stood in the doorway, frozen. A look on her face which defied gravity...and she screamed, "YOUR SON IS IN MY HOT TUB WITH A GOD DAMNED TURKEY!" My father never missed a beat. He hollered back, "What's he doing to it?"
I was headed to South Texas the following day.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Now this post was funny! Really funny.

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...