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Thursday, July 31, 2008

The South Texas shuffle...

As I had relatives in South Texas who had no idea I was as screwed up as I was I boarded a Greyhound and headed south. I was wired to the gills on cheap speed as I made my retreat.

I arrived so wired my hair was standing on end, but no one seemed to notice. They noticed however after a few days when there was an unfortunate incident involving Irish whiskey, Valium and a loaded .45. There were young children in the house and civilized folk did not behave that way, blackout or no.

I was given a choice, ala tough love, prior to Dr. Phil and the rest...either another bus ticket to anywhere (I sure should have taken that ticket), or enroll in a halfway house, attend a 12 step program and give my head a firm yank from my ass. I did, and when I heard the pop I went cold turkey...the first of many such episodes.
I gave sobriety a very feeble try, but knew there was something missing. I thought a relationship might be in order as my last girlfriend in Germany had said goodbye as she threw beer bottles at me while I stood in a duck pond, waist deep in duck shit, crying and drunk...as usual.

She failed to see the earnest desire in my heart. Damn good shot though...

1 comment:

Teddi said...

YES! I see the zebra in a different light too. The best. Thank you for sharing yourself, your blog, etc. I look forward to reading and learning more.
-Fellow journalism graduate. :)
Worthy and Strong!

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be anymore...so now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it stays...in the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.


Thank you all...