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Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Bobo goes to Dallas

Prior to my ex-wife arriving in Dallas, I had rented a small duplex. Living alone and drinking can get lonely and one-night stands just too much work so the idea of a pet began to germinate in my head. A dog? Cat? No...didn't really say 'me'. One Sunday I was drinking the heart out of a lovely morning and meandering through the classifieds when I saw it. The ad for the monkey. The bells and whistles went off and I just knew this was a genius idea. Brilliant!

My rent was due, but I had the money. However I did not have money enough for both rent and the ape. Rent was exactly half what the animal cost. A few beers and minor calculations later and I made the call. I somehow talked the guy into letting me make a deposit with the remainder of the money in a week and a few hours later a van pulled up outside. The details at this point were rather sketchy, but they delivered the monkey. I had never held a monkey before and this one clung to my face like Michael Jackson on a cub scout. (Note to all future monkey owners- be they spider monkeys, chimps, or simians of any race or creed they should all wear diapers...believe it.)

I then realized I had no bananas. So I thought he might like a beer. Turned out he wasn't much of a drinker.

My landlady lived a few doors down and I wondered if she might spot me a spare Chiquita. (I had forgotten the rent was due.) She opened at my knock, expecting the rent. She did not expect the monkey. She failed to see the poignancy or brilliance of my story and chose to evict me. Long story short, I failed to pony up the balance on the monkey and the sketchy dude's in the van returned for him. I had been evicted and had a monkey repossessed...all because of one, great idea.

I was bummed. I was going to teach it to smoke.

1 comment:

Joe McG said...

Yet another plan that is absolutely Fan-fucking-tastic in theory.... yet a little sketchy in execution.

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...