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Monday, September 1, 2008

When you pray, move your feet. (African proverb)

I was learning that God was not Santa Claus. I was told to pray, and I did, even when I knew the words were just falling down around my ankles and not going anywhere. I also learned to take action and not lay down and take it in the kiester whenever anything negative occurred. I began to stand up for me.

There was a huge learning curve ahead for me but I learned about the whole one day at a time concept, and I placed one foot in front of the other; and things began to happen.

I applied for, and was accepted into a halfway house after being sober ninety days. I learned to take responsibility, in small, sometimes irritating ways, like making my bed, taking out trash, washing dishes.

There were setbacks for all of us in the house. A few ran away, a few got loaded, and a few hung on to recovery.

I applied for a job that was totally out of my element. I took a test for the State office building, and applied for a position as safety officer in the telecommunications division. I had no idea what the duties were, but I dug the title.

My boss was a pretty, auburn haired, thirty something professional bureaucrat, with caramel colored eyes. She was married to a disinterested State Trooper and she thought I was cute.

Hindsight being what it is, well, you get the idea...

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My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...