eXTReMe Tracker

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Our government couldn't cover up cat shit at the beach...but plausible deniability works for me.

I was flat footed busted. She knew it. I knew it. And as our voices escalated, our neighbor knew it. However; I stuck to my guns.

"What's wrong with you? I was simply trying to let the dog out and I find a naked chick in our backyard. Was I staring...hell no, I was just shocked, you don't see that everyday. What do you want me to do...demand she put clothes on. It's her yard too...".

Maybe defending her right to be bare -assed in our yard put her over the edge...I don't know, but I wound up having to talk to our landlord about it. He lived next door, was my age, and had an extremely hot girlfriend, and I secretely wished I was him. Especially right then.

I felt like I was the biggest whipped loser in the world. My balls? Somewhere in one of her cavernous purses apparently.

I knocked timidly on his door, knowing she was watching me from our porch, arms folded, curdling milk and neutering small animals with her gaze. I felt her stare burn holes in the back of my shirt.

He answered, Van Halen on the stereo, a margarita in hand. My junk shriveled even more.

"Hey dude, look, uh, we have, I mean my wife has a problem with our neighbor."

He looked at me quizzically.

"She's naked in our back yard...suntanning...our neighbor, not my wife."

"Sweet...what's the problem, she need help with lotion," he grinned.

I suddenly felt like a Ken doll. Kick me in the crotch, you'd only hit bone.

"No, my wife, she's upset, uh, says it's rude or inappropriate or some kind of wife thing, I don't know dude, she's just really I told her to get naked or something."

He laughed. "Can't help ya amigo, she's a dancer...needs to look good for work. Tell your old lady to broaden her horizons...later." He shut the door.

Damn. This could only get worse before it got better.

Oh, sure, I could see me walking into the yard, asking her to cover up. Not.

The thought of my wife doing it...not so much...while the idea of a half naked, oily, bald cat fight was strangely appealing I felt like sleeping with my eyes closed...inside the house, so that was out.

She glared as I walked on to the porch. "He said we have to deal with it..," I said sheepishly. She grabbed her purse and hurled herself into the car, backing out with great haste.

Shit. This would be a long night.

My dog had peed in the front yard so I did not have to let him out the back. But I did peek to see if she had gone inside.

Nope. Still there. Still naked. And still glistening.

I made popcorn and placed a kitchen chair by the window.

What? It's not like we had cable.

No comments:

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...