eXTReMe Tracker

Friday, November 28, 2008

They did not cover this on 'Career Day.'

Time can standstill. And you can get focused.

My attention, at that moment, was burning with a white heat as I concentrated on this firearm screwed into my skull. I assure you I was so very focused it was as if this was the only mass produced, illegal 9mm in the entire world. It was certainly the only one pressed above my left eye, at the time.

I did not see my life pass before my eyes. Tunnel vision, a loud roaring in my head. Slow.

I kept my voice even and low and talked my way to the back of my car.

Two of them. Teenagers. With a grown up pistol.

I thought of the .38 where I could not reach it. I realized in an instant I had made a life changing mistake.

If I had reached my gun, would I have used it? Easy to say...harder to do.

I had given them my wallet, and it opened onto my I.D. and badge. The shield gleamed in the glow of a cheap gold tooth.

I realized that within the time it would take for a few more blinks, my children would not have a father, and my body would be on a slab in Parkland. This was not fucking fair.

The one with the wallet told the other one to "Shoot this motherfucker, he's a COP!"

The hammer was thumbed back. That bit of information did not matter all that much, depending on if the automatic was single or double action, although it will in the film, and the scene will appropriately kick ass.

What concerned me then were the last moments of my life and how horribly fucked you can become just for turning off James Brown in a redneck parking lot.

I looked at his trigger finger. I would love to report that I pulled some sweet hop-socky moves on the both of them, saying something pithy as I handcuffed them.

I didn't. Forever passed in an instant. His finger moved.

And I wondered if it would hurt.

No comments:

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...