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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

When Ego hits rock bottom, start digging...

I loved it. Even the boring stuff. I'll say it, aspects of being a Private Investigator are pretty freaking cool. Especially if you live in a fantasy world, (Lawrence Block) and become a caricature of a character in a sober P.I. series. Life could be a movie, sometimes.

Especially the airports. The waiting, gauging the others with you. If the plane goes down, who does the rescue? You? On the job, on a case, watching, But not bloody likely.

Start smoking. Camels.


Interior of Mexico-Medical records from an all Spanish speaking hospital on a couple of Norte-Americanos-insurance claim in the states. Records indicating other wise down south. I do not speak Spanish.

An all black recreational center: my camera in a gym bag on the floor, silently recording a claimant claiming 100 per cent disability, teaching her regularly scheduled aerobics class. Booyah.

Cheating husbands, wives with round heels, kids running away, stolen Mercedes found in a storage facility in Kansas- not a lot of time home. But when I was a present parent, my three-year olds were a riot. One of them used to call me 'Pal...'. How ya doin, pal...

And I lit a a Camel.

We moved to a bedroom community north-west of Dallas. I was out of town 60-70 percent of the time and my wife had grown depressed. I, however, was not around to witness it.

I was being responsible.

Did I mention I was miserable?

Example: Wife asks, (after experiencing massive weight gain) "Do you know what I would like to be?"

I answered without thinking. "A size six."

Yeah...I know.

Camel non-filters. Yeah.

I know.

No comments:

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...