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Sunday, January 4, 2009

Checking in...

I am, among other things, a writer. I write; you read.

Lately I have not met my end of the bargain. Sorry for that.

But this is a journal after all. And so it continues...

I hit a dark patch, fast slide into dark.

I am back to struggling. In all areas. The blame falls on me.

I know how to do this. Back to practicing turning care over to a higher power, while I go 'a day at at a time,' sometimes by the minute, with my back to the wall.

I know that life is much like a pendulum. High points and low, and it always swings back.

But it takes the focus of a laser. Unwavering. Not wanting to go back, not wanting it to get worse.

Re-aligning my concept of a higher power; slowly...this will take time.

That 'crisis of faith' from a few weeks ago has given me the opportunity to regain faith a mustard seed at a time.

And I remember lately that what I am not grateful for, I am bound to lose.

Let's hope it's not too late.

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My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...