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Saturday, January 10, 2009

If you board the wrong train, it is no use to run along the corridor in the opposite direction.

It's not for nothing that reality is the leading cause of stress for those in touch with it.

My grasp, at the moment, is tenuous. But it beats the alternatives.

The V.A. Hospital is not high on my list of places I want to go. This would be a third trip and that's way too much evidence saying I'm nuts.

The last time I stayed in the same ward my Dad had been in when I was five. PTSD. I had it too. From childhood they said. You don't have to be in combat to be involved in a war.

Perhaps a brief checkup from the neck-up might be in order. A tune up, as it were.

Not any time soon I'm afraid. Too busy playing catch up. Screw wreckage of my past, I've got wreckage from right now. And no one to blame.

Good. Not a victim.

Not anymore. Trying to be stand up, and do the next right thing.

Looking for a day job...again. And we all know how much bloody fun that is. Desperation leaking from my pineal gland.

I swear they can smell it.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but we have no idea how the get in there!

You know that the tune up could be very productive. As one who has been a frequent flier on the floors without doorknobs I can empathize with your desire not to go.


My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...