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Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Some people never go crazy. What truly humble lives they must live.-Charles Bukowski

Life on life's terms. Never been good at it. It's work.

As if everyone else on the planet received the manual; "Living life on life's terms without screwing yourself into the floor up to your neck."

In your family of origin, there was never a lot of middle ground. Black. White. Up, down. There was no grey, no yellow stripe. Either in the middle of the highway doing 85 or on the side of the road, watching the rest of it pass.

You know reality is sharp edged. That's why every time you drank, you did it until things 'rounded out'. But you couldn't keep it round.

You truly think if given enough time, you could fuck up an anvil. Left to your own devices.

But therein lies the truth. You're not alone in this, not anymore.

As much ass as it sucks, asking for help, you do it anyway.

You become acquainted with the term "our", instead of "your".

You try to use it, to feel a part of-instead of so isolated.

You know the steps to the dance.

And you try to stay in the light.

The dark is there...always has been. But until Sally Struthers starts to campaign for the eradication of "Underground Cat Juggling," you will look the other way.

(Cat juggling is a dark, underside of our sub-culture and should never be attempted. No one needs to see that.)

*Young men in Wisconsin are excluded from this statement. Do whatever you have to. The nights are long and the days are cold. Juggle, if you must.

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My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...