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Friday, June 19, 2009

Letting go...

The trip was great. Being with my wonderful, funny girls was the best day I have had in a very long time. It was enough to get me through whatever difficulties I have coming.

To change subjects and to get to the title of this post-I am letting go of an old idea, for now. Comedy, or more importantly, performing standup.

Yes, I love doing it, and yes I can do it clean and sober, but I find I am as addicted to applause as I am a bag of "white widow" and a six pack of bass ale. It also feeds my already strained ego and fuels the grandiose delusions that have permeated my 49 years.

That is not to say I will never do it again, who knows? However the path I am on at the moment, which is rebuilding a life-one day at a time, one moment in time, appears not to include that.

More later...

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My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...