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Sunday, June 28, 2009

Under extreme pressure, diamonds are made...

The challenges I face these days are being met in a very foreign matter. I face them head on, instead of doing the 50-yard lurch and jerk, cowering in the shadows of a bell tower.

I am doing everything differently, including taking direction and making choices and decisions based on the needs of others instead of being based on self.

I have a hurdle to meet tomorrow and have committed to doing so. I am contacting the powers that be and telling them where I am working so they can start garnishing 50 per-cent of my earnings, for past due child support.

Ordinarily I would have waited and let them find me. Which would not be hard to do-they seem to know where I am working most times before I do.

But that would be entirely self-centered and not the next right thing, as uncomfortable and difficult as that is for me.

I can assure you, this decision is not martyr based, it is based on responsibility and commitment.

When my sponsor visited me in the VA hospital, I asked him how to proceed with my life, having turned away from all I had, in order to try and save my life. His response was, "Do everything differently." And so it goes.

I spent the afternoon yesterday at a sober pool party with my sponsor and about 35 other sober adults, and a maybe a dozen children, whom I assume were sober as well. (However there was this six-month old little boy though, demanding and crying and alternately laughing and sleeping, much like me when I was loaded, but who am I to judge.)

I just returned from my Sunday morning meeting, which was on self-centeredness, don't ya know, so as usual, I was right where I was supposed to be.

My sponsor mentioned on the way back to the Ox, that I was selling my Higher Power short. As I have just recently become acquainted with my H.P. and don't know him very well, I think it's understandable.

But we talk every day, so in time, I may learn to trust.


Anonymous said...


I'm really happy to hear, or read rather, that you are doing so well. It seems like things are really starting to come together for you! Im really happy for you Geoffrey! I even miss you a little! ;)

aka Princess

An Irish Friend of Bill said...

Good luck with the child support authorities. Im sure you will be fine.
I hope you have more success with sobriety this time than you have had before. Why do you suppose the previous attempts did not work long term?

Geoffrey said...

Hello Brittany, Thank you for the support, especially since I treated you rather shabbily at work. I was not in a very good frame of mind and I'm sorry. Stay well and thanks for reading, Geoffrey

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...