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Tuesday, October 26, 2010

I don't want my hubris crushed, it sounds really painful.

I am ready to retire. Yep, hang it up. I've worked since I was fourteen years old and I am ready to slide into older age with grace.

Is retirement possible? Do I have the 401K, the investment portfolio, the business to sell?

No. I have fuck all. Which admittedly I have brought upon myself.

But my pride tells me I'm getting too old, too weary, to bang it out much longer. My pride doesn't know shit.

So instead of retirement, I'm seeking more, new, or different employment. So that this financial dead zone I'm in will narrow a bit and I can afford my own place, a better vehicle, a place to call my own.

How I would love to go away for a weekend with a special lady, you know, ring her up and casually invite her to the Beach, or Seattle, just because. At this point I have to try and save money for three weeks for dinner and a movie.

Point of fact- I did just that last night. Dinner and a movie with a great woman, whom I suspect was and may be a bit out of my league, yet she went out with me, and looked as though she enjoyed herself. I know I did. But then again I usually do, love the company of women, and as I have recently found the joys of woman closer to my age to be far better than the younger crowd I pursued for so long, I wish to enjoy more of it, and this requires cash. And possibly a vehicle that doesn't creak, whine and rattle, although if I turn the radio up loud enough one doesn't really notice.

So, that's the idea at least, of which I have had many, and none have ever turned out the way I thought they would, or should, but they turned out the way they were supposed to, I guess and lessons have been learned.

And I continue to play the lottery...


Sheryl said...

Good for you!

When you find the right lady your focus will zero in on what YOU need to do to get out of that dead zone. However, remember this... if she's the right lady it won't matter how much you make or the vehicle that you drive...

Sheryl said...

Extreme arrogance and overbearing pride are not you... who Geoffrey is! Every man that walks this planet has an ego! Before you can come to complete understanding you have to be on your knee's completely crushed... It's only painful if you dwell on it! Which, you don't! Here lies the choice... It is yours to make.

I've seen you as a strong man that will make it. That is what friends are for. :D

My new disclaimer...yeah I know.

Okay, the old disclaimer was tired. The ideas were outdated and keeping me stuck in a place I don't want to be now for something more refreshing.

I have recently changed my views regarding women. Seems I had some issues with the fairer sex due to past pain and self- centered fear. (Yes...duh applies.)

I'm done with that.

Being in recovery has helped me change my entire life, perceptions and attitudes. I cannot change my history but I can change my today and my future.

I recently realized that the women I know in recovery are some of the strongest, bravest, most gentle and kind teachers I have ever had. You exemplify integrity and spiritual growth, and I hope you know who you are.

Some may know of my past marital and relationship history and been a participant in them as well. It's past and that's where it the past.

I own my part in those failures but claim no more responsibility in any misery you may be experiencing. I am sorry, but it's time to get off the cross. We need the wood.

Thank you all...